thoughts cant focus

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today my thoughts are weird. they seem jagged, shattered or in-pieces? they simply cant focus.

been feeling down for the past few weeks. indescribable... pain? yearning? confusion? heartache? i dunno.

need to keep myself busy, to focus on other matters till its all over. but the mind refuses to help. its getting lazy due to its inactivity.
i am getting lazy together with the mind, too lazy to do anything. to lazy to do wat i should be doing to achieve my goals.
or am i subconsciously trying to escape from reality? or am i finding excuses?

yet when the truth forces me to face up to it. dark fear overwhelms me. tears flow freely. the knowledge of it, the power of it, is overpowering.

and i allow it to overwhelm me, to control me, to render me helpless. to be pathetic.

i am getting out of hand.

"once again, she did it.
sorry. she's really sorry.
please forgive her for her mistake..."

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