Words from a colleague

"There are all kinds of people in this society and you must accept that you have to manage different folks with different strokes.

There will be down days and happy days. Give thanks for both because the former will mould you if you handle it with the right spirit,

And the latter is a reward to weather the down days. :)

- S.V."

Words from a colleague. Thanks.
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12 Signs That I May Be Leaving My Current Job

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01) I go to office late. If i'm usually late, then i'll be later than my usual lateness.
02) I take extended lunches. cuz i'm slacking/shopping or i'm at an interview.
03) I tabao lunch back to office, even though i took an extended lunch. cuz my interview overrun.
04) I leave on the precise dot when the minute hand touches the 60th min.
05) I begin to show my unhappiness openly, especially to colleagues' ridiculous demands.
06) I am no longer helpful to my own team-mates.
07) I am no longer willing to take up new tasks.
08) I begin to 'prolong' the life of the project i am doing. no longer the highly efficient me.
09) I begin the surf the net during office hours, to 'prolong' the life of the project. by blogging &/or buying/selling items online via ebay/forums.
10) I no longer bother to make small talk/chitchat with my direct boss.
11) I begin to apply leave more frequently.
12) I will take MC at least once a month, at times up to 2 days per MC.

The enthusiam just slowly seeps out of me. Even though i joined the orgnization with the best intentions, however things may not always turn out the way one wants.

Thus job searching begins, filling me with newfound hope to find a new job and increased desire to leave the current job ASAP.

I really dun wanna be labelled as a job-hopper. Though i know none of my job stints last longer than 2 years. But i just get so easily bored, once there's NO motivation.

Motivation to me is Recognition, Appreciation, and Rewards.
For being a fast learner, hardworking, responsible and also efficient employee.

Yup, that's ME.
The truth, not self-praise.
So i deserve MORE.
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amnesia or forgetfulness?

Definitions:
1) A loss of memory, especially one brought on by some distressing or shocking experience.
2) Partial or total loss of memory, usually resulting from shock, psychological disturbance, brain injury, or illness.
3) Loss of a large block of interrelated memories; complete or partial loss of memory caused by brain injury, shock, etc.

at times, i do like to curse myself... with amnesia...

honestly, do you not wish that you can totally erase some horrible or upsetting memories in your mind? well, i do.

as i can't turn back time, i can only hope that i can erase those awful &/or embarrassing memories. Not only the memories of how others treated me shabbily, and also on my actions too. i'm no angel, and i've hurt people with my actions unintentionally and deliberately.

It's too late for regrets and what's done can't be undone. And i'm also quite prideful to offer my sincere apologies to them (not all of them though). However, if they know i have amnesia, then they would forgive me, right?! Ok, even if they dun totally forgive me, but there's this chance of starting afresh.

i dun really wan to bother about those who have upset me before. cuz isn't it better to remember a life without these people? let their imprints totally vanished! yes, i'm selfish, i want people to forgive me but yet i refuse to forgive the others.

i wan selective amnesia, can i? not selected forgetfulness.
cuz having amnesia is not a choice we can choose but forgetfulness can be a pure excuse.

Christmas

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WHERE ARE YOU,

CHRISTMAS?

Why do i not feel the Christmas spirit?

Why do others i know, feel the same way as i do?

Or is it cuz i've grown out of it?

Or as one grows older, being shouldered with more burden and responsibility, one can no longer celebrate festivals with a light heart?

It used to be my favourite festive.

And it still is.

But where has all the joy & cheer gone to?

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a gentle reminder

I am happy with my life now.

So i shall not complain.

And be content with what i have.

Things come & go,

Just like people.

I refuse to be affected by it.

Bad stuff just like to hover around,

like people no longer in contact,

and even bad issues.

Keep it impersonal.

Let it go.

That's the life lessons i've learnt.

But yet i wonder:

Why is it so hard to give up hope?

To let hope die & never rise again?

When that's my blanket of shelter,

to protect me from past hauntings,

and pain inflicted unknowingly.

I will stay firm on my beliefs,

for i can see clearer now.

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sometimes

especially when i feel increasingly frustrated with life, with people, with everything.

just wanna vent it all out in a mentally unstable manner.

damn it.

i am going bananas.

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Prayers.

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It's been so long since i last prayed.

But too many things have happened. To the people around me and to me.

All these uncertainties scares me, leading me to pray to find solace, at times to even seek answers.

But Who shall i pray to?
to the One who says that He already has a path for us, telling us to leave our burdens with Him.
Or?
to the One who can give us divinations, answers to our questions and worries.

All i want is for all the unpleasanties to be over, for us to be well.

Praying again. The faith was always there.
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seems quite true... at the moment...

Saw this test Colorgenics while reading Finicky Feline's blog, so i just click on it.

The results is quite freakily true. I've bold & italics those which precisely describes how i feel during this period. The thoughts. The strong overwhelming feelings. Perhaps even the truth, which i have not been facing up to.

Here's the results:

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

At times all of us would like to be like the ostrich - to be able to bury our heads in the sand and let the rest of the world go by, but unfortunately you can't do just that - you have to face up to reality. A little peace and quiet would be most acceptable at this time but if only one could turn a blind eye to the problems of the day! Tomorrow is another day and who knows, it could be 'today' (not tomorrow) that could be the first day of the rest of your life!

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.
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SELFISH!

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WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I BE SELFISH?!

WHENEVER I WAS GIVING IN NATURE, WHAT DID I GET?

NOTHING!
ONLY UNAPPRECIATION, BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED AND THUS LEADING TO MY OWN UNHAPPINESS!

SO WHY CAN'T I BE SELFISH NOW?
SO WHAT IF I NO LONGER MAKE YOU HAPPY, WHICH WAS AT THE EXPENSE OF MY HAPPINESS?
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT AS LONG AS YOU WERE HAPPY, I WOULD BE HAPPY TOO. THAT SEEING YOU HAPPY COULD ABOLISH ALL THE DISCOMFORT I HAD TO GO THROUGH.

BUT NOW, IT'S NO BIG DEAL!
CUZ I FINALLY FACED IT, THAT EVERYONE IS SELFISH!
CUZ AFTER SO MUCH, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL.

WHAT IS THE OUTCOME? MISUNDERSTANDINGS!
AND IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT!

SO FUCK BEING ACCOMMODATING!
MISS NICE DIED FROM DISAPPOINTMENTS AND HEARTACHES!

DO NOT FUCKING JUDGE ME, WHEN I NEVER DID SO.

WHATEVER YOU DID, EVEN THOUGH SOME THINGS WERE MORALLY WRONG, BUT I NEVER ONCE THOUGHT BADLY OF YOU.

WHY?
CUZ YOU WERE SPECIAL TO ME.

BUT A SMALL MISTAKE I MAKE, I BECOME A TOPIC TO GOSSIP ABOUT?
SO MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING ME?
THANKS HOR.

SO BE IT. IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE GOOD.

IT'S MY TURN TO BE SELFISH, TO BE HAPPY.
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forgive but not forget?

do u not remember tat i've mentioned the following statement before?

" i forgive but i do not forget. if u have wronged/hurt/betrayed me before, when i am finally able to forgive, please note that i NEVER forget. "

it is not bcuz i can't let go, but it is to remind myself of a lesson learnt.

it's either u do not fully comprehend the extent of ur actions which impacts me negatively or u really do not realize tat u r hurting wat we have between us or maybe u simply chose to ignore my feelings.

i definitely do not understand ur reasons for doing so.

is it bcuz u tink tat i do not mind anymore, or u wanna prove a point on how chummy u are with everyone? bcuz u are bored & u entertain whoever gives u the attention? or it is bcuz u feel tat by doing so, it gives u a certain degree of superiority?

u still seem to be in denial. for once, pls juz admit the reasons & stop finding excuses.

u leave me no choice.

cuz u did it again, something i cant condone nor ever understand.

" e knowledge of wat u r doing, makes it hard for me to tell u bout happenings around me. "